As you transition from teenage years to adulthood, the first 10 years of adulthood, from ages 19-27, are crucial. You are about to embark on a thrilling chapter of life, so enjoy it. This guide is a framework designed to help you navigate the challenges and opportunities of being a young man. It is a journey of self-discovery and growth through new experiences, all while grounding your journey in your faith in God and Jesus Christ. From being a teen to becoming an exceptional man, we aim to foster a better future for society, successful individuals, and increase the well-being of all.
The path can be tough, especially for young men. Society often paints a narrow picture of masculinity that is mostly expected to fit all, leading to confusion, pressure, and sometimes unhealthy behaviors. When your foundation is right, the healthier your adult life will be.
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Independence in Early Adulthood
The early years of adulthood are often marked by a significant shift towards independence for both men and women. This involves becoming more self-sufficient and making important life decisions without relying heavily on parents or guardians, being able to take care of yourself and meet your own needs.
Here are some key aspects of gaining independence:
- Financial Independence: Learning to manage your finances responsibly, budgeting, and unnecessarily avoiding debt.
- Living Independently: Moving out of your parents’ home and establishing your living arrangements.
- Career Decisions: Choosing a career path, finding a job, and progressing in your professional life.
- Personal Decisions: Making important life decisions, such as choosing a partner, starting a family, or relocating.
- Problem-solving: Developing the ability to solve problems and make decisions on your own.
- Self-Sufficiency: Being able to take care of yourself and meet your own needs.
The Basics of Your Foundation
Self-illumination
Understanding your identity is crucial. This involves exploring your passions, values, and beliefs through the lens of your faith. How does your relationship with God shape who you are? Identity refers to the unique characteristics that define who you are. It encompasses your values, beliefs, passions, experiences, and relationships. Your identity is shaped by a variety of factors, including your upbringing, faith/beliefs, culture, education, and personal experiences. Understanding your identity is essential for setting goals that are meaningful and aligned with your true self.
The Right Mindset
Young men need to have a positive and growth-oriented mindset to thrive, especially during the foundational years of early adulthood. Instead of leaving things to chance and letting the world control your life, it is important to live with purpose. Take control of your story, nurture hope, and actively mold your future. By taking a proactive approach, you can create a vibrant and fulfilling journey through the complexities of early adulthood. Think carefully about your choices and ensure they align with your goals. Every day, take intentional steps toward your goals, whether it is reading a chapter, networking, or praying. Consistency pays off in the long run. Remember, even small actions matter—they add up over time.
- Alignment with Values: Your identity helps you set goals that are aligned with your core values and beliefs. This ensures that your actions are consistent with who you are and what you stand for.
- Sense of Purpose: A strong sense of identity gives you a sense of purpose and direction in life. When you know who you are and what you want to achieve, it is easier to stay motivated and focused as you navigate the journey to the exemplary character of a man.
- Authenticity: Understanding your identity helps you be true to yourself and avoid conforming to societal expectations, impious beliefs, or peer pressure.
- Setting Goals: Define what you want to achieve in life knowing you have all the built-in tools to accomplish your aspirations with God’s bigger purpose.
- Building Confidence: Overcome self-doubt and embrace your strengths with humility. Work on your leadership skills, no matter how blurry or minimal they appear. Leadership is not about a title—it is about how you impact those around you. Whether leading a team, family, community, or country, everyone can cultivate these skills.
Developing Strong Character as a Man
Key Traits to Develop:
- Integrity: Be honest, authentic, and consistent in your words and actions. Avoid lying, cheating, or stealing. Stand up for what you believe in, even when it is difficult.
- Kindness: Show compassion, empathy, and generosity towards others. Be helpful, considerate, and supportive of those around you.
- Respect: Treat others with dignity and consideration. Avoid disrespectful behavior, such as bullying, harassment, or making offensive comments.
- Responsibility: Take ownership of your actions and fulfill your commitments. Be reliable, dependable, and accountable for your choices.
- Courage: Be brave and face your fears. Stand up for what is right, even when it is difficult.
- Perseverance: Be persistent and resilient in the face of challenges. Do not give up on your goals, even when things get tough and dark.
- Humility: Recognize your strengths and weaknesses while remaining grounded and approachable. True greatness often comes from a humble heart.
Physical and Mental Well-being
A wholesome life requires a strong foundation of physical and mental well-being. By taking care of your body and mind, you can enhance your overall quality of life, increase your energy levels, and improve your ability to cope with stress.
Physical Well-being
- Regular Exercise: Engage in activities you enjoy, such as running, swimming, cycling, or team sports. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days of the week.
- Healthy Diet: Fuel your body with nutritious foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats. Avoid excessive processed foods, sugary drinks, and unhealthy snacks.
- Sufficient Sleep: Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Create a relaxing bedtime routine and ensure your sleep environment is conducive to rest.
- Regular Check-ups: Schedule regular check-ups with your doctor to monitor your health and address any concerns.
- Avoid Harmful Substances: Limit or avoid alcohol, tobacco, and drugs, as they can negatively impact your health.
Mental Well-being
- Stress Management: Develop healthy coping mechanisms for stress, such as mindfulness, meditation, deep breathing, or spending time in nature.
- Positive Mindset: Cultivate a positive outlook on life and focus on the good things in your life.
- Social Connections: Maintain strong relationships with friends and family. Social support can significantly improve your mental well-being.
- Seek Help When Needed: If you are struggling with mental health issues, do not hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.
- Hobbies and Interests: Engage in activities you enjoy to relax, unwind, and have fun.
Tips for Balancing Physical and Mental Well-being:
- Find a Workout Buddy: Exercising with a friend can make it more enjoyable and motivating.
- Meal Prep: Prepare healthy meals and snacks in advance to make it easier to eat well.
- Create a Relaxing Bedtime Routine: Establish a consistent bedtime routine to signal to your body that it is time to wind down.
- Practice Gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life and express gratitude for what you have.
- Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals for your physical and mental health to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Expressing Emotions
When expressing emotions, it is important to identify and label them accurately, choose the right time and place to communicate, and use “I” statements to avoid blaming. For example, saying, “I feel disrespected,” and being specific in describing the situation or behavior that is causing you to feel a certain way is essential. There is nothing wrong with displaying vulnerability and sadness. Doing so does not equate to weakness but rather strength.
By practicing these techniques, you can effectively communicate your emotions, build stronger relationships, and resolve conflicts more peacefully. Develop healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress, anxiety, and other challenges, such as exercise, mindfulness, or seeking support from trusted friends, counselors, or mentors.
Fostering Healthy Relationships
Building healthy relationships is essential for personal growth and well-being. Here are some key aspects to consider when fostering healthy relationships:
- Communication & Sharing: Honest and open communication is crucial. In healthy relationships, people do not lie. Trust is built on honesty and mutual understanding. Remember that disagreements can happen, but staying calm and discussing feelings helps strengthen the relationship.
- Respect and Trust: Respect and trust are foundational. Even during disagreements, maintaining respect for each other is vital. Working through challenges often strengthens the relationship. While all men age, some mature. Age is the number of years. Maturity is the glory of years. Maturity is the pursuit of enduring values, not instant pleasure. Mature men do not do things that hurt their loved ones.
- Feeling Good About Yourself: A healthy relationship should make you feel good about yourself. Unhealthy relationships may cause sadness, anger, fear, or worry. Ensure there is an equal balance of give and take, and you feel safe and respected.
- Mutual Safety: You should always feel safe with friends and dating partners. Never feel pressured to do something you are uncomfortable with.
Choose your friends wisely. Surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you. Avoid toxic relationships that bring you down.
Be a Good Friend: Be supportive, loyal, and trustworthy. Offer a listening ear and be there for your friends when they need you.
Intimacy and Sexuality
A fulfilling relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and emotional intimacy. Sexual intimacy should be a natural progression of a healthy relationship, not the sole focus. It is important to prioritize emotional connection, communication, and shared values when building relationships. Do your due diligence when dating to get to know the other person better, especially if you are looking for a long-term partner.
A great man loves his wife. Immature men want sex from every woman. Mature men raise their children and take responsibility. Immature men run away after impregnating a woman. In a sexist world where men demean women, great men have stood by women. Not because women are weak but because they see greatness in them, just as they see greatness in a woman.
Being “good in bed” does not make a man. Being “good in bed” is often associated with sexual prowess, technique, or performance, counting the number of women one has been with. However, it is essential to recognize that true masculinity and self-worth extend far beyond bedroom skills. Real men cultivate their self-esteem from within, valuing their unique qualities beyond physical abilities. A man’s worth is not measured by sexual performance but by how he treats his partner.
Emotional connection, communication, and mutual respect matter more than bedroom skills. A real man understands the importance of consent. He seeks enthusiastic agreement from his partner before any intimate activity. He respects boundaries, both physical and emotional. He never pushes someone beyond their comfort zone. He knows when to say no, prioritize self-care, and maintain balance.
Remember, being “good in bed” or bragging about body count does not define a man; his character and emotional intelligence matter far more.
Toxic Masculinity and Aggression
Toxic masculinity promotes aggression, objectifies others, and stigmatizes those who choose healthy masculinity. Challenging these norms is essential for promoting healthier expressions of masculinity.
Violence and Aggression
Innate in every male is the thrill for danger and the love for the extreme. Being “wild at heart” is part of this nature. Virtual or physical games and activities that involve risk, competition, or creative strategy appeal to young men. Examples include paintball, bungee jumping, extreme canoeing, playing video games like Call of Duty or Fortnite, watching violent movies, FIFA, wrestling, and many other activities that tend to attract boys and men.
Sadly, today’s world presents a troubling state of masculine models that many boys are being forced to emulate. This is producing many emasculated young men. These models often perpetuate stereotypes of weak masculinity, including men who wear dresses as a lifestyle, apply cosmetics designed for women, flaunt wealth obtained through corruption, use rudeness and foul language as a display of “macho” behavior, and use scantily dressed women as symbols of desire and status. Many of these behaviors are symptoms of mental health struggles disguised as freedom of expression or a so-called “new awakening and discovery” as commonly stated in urban streets.
The Call to Authentic Masculinity
It is time for real men to stand up—those who are fearless but also God-fearing! Confidence grounded in humility is the mark of a true man of valor. Are you, oh devout man, ready to answer this call?
Be mindful that harmful behaviors can have serious consequences for individuals, families, and communities. As a wholesome man, it is important to strive for peace and harmony in your relationships and interactions with others.
Masculinity, Society, and Cultural Expectations
The issue of violence and aggression is complex and influenced by societal norms and cultural expectations. Most cultures often define masculinity based on traits like toughness, stoicism, and emotional restraint. Boys learn to embody these ideals from male role models and societal norms. Unfortunately, some of these ideals can contribute to aggression and violence. As boys grow, this aggression can shift toward asserting power over others, especially when their masculinity feels threatened.
Upholding negative masculine ideals may lead to acts of violence, including bullying, assault, and verbal aggression. Promoting healthy masculinity, encouraging emotional expression, and challenging harmful norms can help prevent violence in young men.
Promoting Healthy Masculinity
Remember, building healthy relationships takes time and effort. By learning these skills now, you will be better equipped for positive connections throughout your life. It is crucial to understand the roots of male violence, which can stem from socialization, trauma, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
To foster healthier masculinity, focus on:
- Developing emotional intelligence
- Cultivating conflict resolution skills
- Establishing healthy outlets for masculine energy
Challenging Toxic Behaviors
Actively challenge and intervene in toxic behaviors among other men to promote accountability. By doing so, you help create a culture of positive masculinity, where men can express emotions healthily and build stronger, more supportive relationships.
Mentoring and Supporting Other Men: Building a Brotherhood of Empowerment
Recognize the profound impact that positive male role models and peer support can have. Proactively reach out to younger men, offering guidance, resources, and a safe space to grow.
Foster a culture of vulnerability, accountability, and mutual upliftment among male peers. A great man mentors and supports both sons and daughters, not necessarily his own. Young adults, and even as they grow older, can play a significant role in guiding and encouraging the growth and development of younger men by offering advice, sharing experiences, and providing a positive example.
Connect them with resources, networks, and opportunities that can help them grow and thrive. Recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and offer support and encouragement without imposing personal biases or expectations. Embrace the values of stewardship and service, striving to make a positive impact in the lives of others. Whether it’s through acts of kindness, leading community initiatives, or simply being a listening ear for someone in need, each small gesture contributes to the greater good.
Remember, the essence of an exceptional man lies not just in personal success, but also in the impact he has on the world around him.
Discovering Purpose and Meaning
Finding purpose and meaning in life is a fundamental human desire, not only for men. As a wholesome man, it’s essential to seek a sense of direction and fulfillment that aligns with your values and goals. This guide will help you explore strategies for discovering your purpose and living a meaningful life.
By discerning your path in God’s principles, reflecting on your passions, setting meaningful goals, nurturing relationships, contributing to your community (whether through work, volunteering, or civic engagement), and also prioritizing personal growth, you can discover your purpose and live a fulfilling life.
These can be your guide:
- Higher Education: Many young adults pursue post-secondary education during the early years of adulthood, attending college, vocational training, or university to earn degrees and expand their knowledge in order to be resourceful.
- Career Exploration: As you enter the workforce, young adults often try out different jobs and industries to discover their passions and strengths, considering what kind of problems they want to solve on earth. Each experience will broaden your horizons, sharpen your skills, and shape your character.
Financial Literacy
Financial literacy is an essential skill for a wholesome life. Understanding and managing your finances effectively can help you achieve financial stability, reduce stress, and make informed decisions about your future. To achieve financial wellness, create a budget to track your income and expenses, save for both short-term and long-term goals, and avoid unnecessary debt. School loans like Stafford, HELB, etc., may be necessary, but investing your money wisely can help you grow your wealth over time.
Consider consulting a financial advisor to create a personalized investment strategy. Protecting your assets through insurance and estate planning is also crucial. By taking a proactive approach to your finances, you can secure your financial future and achieve financial freedom.
In a world where corruption is rampant, a great man stands for integrity. Even in the face of temptation, he chooses honesty and fairness, upholding the values that reflect a true character.
Spirituality in Christianity
Christianity can provide a powerful framework for young men to develop the character, values, and wisdom necessary for becoming exceptional men. By incorporating Christian principles into your life journey, you can live a fulfilling and meaningful life. You can also inspire others and make a positive impact on your community.
While the world tends to tell men to hide their emotions and act tough, God’s Word—through Jesus Christ—has men who passionately and wholeheartedly sought God with their heart, mind, and soul! God has a special calling for men to be strong, courageous leaders, and compassionate. Have your own way of incorporating this into daily living. His Scripture can provide the inspiration you need to make daily steps toward this calling of being a great man.
Some scriptural references to guide you include:
Judges 6:12-17, Proverbs 28:1, Philippians 4:8, 1 Timothy 4:12, Proverbs 3:13, Proverbs 15:20, Proverbs 5:3-7, 1 Corinthians 15:58, 1 Peter 5:5, Joshua 1:7-9, Psalm 55:22, Proverbs 20:11, Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 1:8-9, 2 Timothy 2:22-25, Mark 12:29-31, Micah 6:8, Philippians 4:8, Proverbs 21:20, Proverbs 5:7-9, Deuteronomy 8:18, Ephesians 5:25, Philippians 2:3-4.
Spirituality is not just about attending church or following rules, but about experiencing a transformative relationship with God that shapes every aspect of a man’s life. Create your own program to enhance this. Recognize that your identity is rooted in being a child of God (1 John 3:1). This understanding shapes your self-worth and purpose. Each person is created with unique gifts and talents (Ephesians 2:10). Embrace who you are and how you can contribute to the world.
Remember, this journey is ongoing, and each step you take brings you closer to becoming the man God created you to be.
Spiritual Leadership in the Home
Spiritually mature men pray and study Scriptures. They spend time with God and guide their families spiritually. They set a good example for their wives and children. They are the priests in their homes.
In a world where men do away with God and are ashamed of Him, leaving spiritual matters to women, a visionary man has shown his need for God and is never too proud to relate to Him.
Cultivating Leadership Skills
Leadership skills are not limited to a select few; they can be developed and nurtured by anyone. Here are some key aspects of leadership skills you need to cultivate as you transition into adulthood:
- Communication: Effective leaders listen actively and express their ideas clearly. They inspire and motivate others through their words.
- Empathy: Understanding and considering others’ perspectives fosters trust and collaboration. Empathetic leaders build strong relationships.
- Decision-Making: Leaders analyze situations, weigh options, and make informed choices. Decisiveness is crucial for effective leadership.
- Adaptability: Leaders navigate change and uncertainty. Flexibility and openness to learning contribute to their success.
- Vision: A leader has a clear vision and inspires others to work toward shared goals. They create a sense of purpose and direction.
- Influence: Leaders influence others positively. Their actions, values, and integrity shape the team’s culture.
Cultivating Responsibility and Accountability
- Taking Ownership: As young men transition into adulthood, they must learn to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. This accountability is crucial for personal integrity and trustworthiness.
- Balancing Freedom and Responsibility: With increased independence comes the need to balance freedom with responsibility. Understanding the consequences of one’s choices is vital for mature decision-making.
- Problem Solving: Men serve mankind. They are part of the solution to the challenges in their neighborhoods. Unreliable men expect other men to fix challenging issues in their environments.
Prayer
Dear God,
As I transition into manhood, grant me wisdom and strength. Help me embody integrity, compassion, and courage. Guide my choices and fill me with resilience. Surround me with mentors and friends who inspire me. May my actions reflect Your love and light, and may I use my gifts for the greater good.
I pray that You will be with me every step of the way, providing me with the strength and wisdom I need to become an exceptional man.
Thank You for Your guidance. I trust in Your plan for my life.
In Jesus Christ’s name,
Amen.
Hey, I’m Angeline, your RN and founder of Finally Am Found. With a heart for mentorship, I’ve been guiding teens and young adults since 2017. As a Registered Nurse, I blend medical expertise with personal experiences to create a Christ-aligned space for self-discovery. Connect with Angeline on Facebook and let the journey to self-discovery begin!
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