Marriage—one word, yet it stirs up a storm of emotions. Some chase it like a prize, believing life isn’t complete without it. Others run from it, scarred by the ghosts of broken vows and shattered homes. And then some simply dismiss it, convinced it’s outdated, unnecessary, or just another social construct.
Join us as we start a meaningful exploration of marriage. This is the first of many conversations/series aimed at bringing you clarity and guidance.
But what’s the truth? As a young person should you embrace it, fear it, or ignore it altogether?
Let’s step into the heart of the conversation.
What is Marriage?
Beyond the white dresses and designer suits, the elaborate traditional attire, uniquely crafted rings, grand ceremonies, and legal documents, marriage is a commitment—two people choosing each other, not just for the easy days, but for the storms, the uncertainties, and the unexpected detours, a lifelong union.
Historical View
Historically, it has been tied to procreation, but its essence runs deeper. Marriage is companionship in a world that can feel unbearably lonely. It is a mirror reflecting your strengths and flaws, a journey of two souls intertwining in love, trust, and helping each other in their unique purposes.
In many religions, Marriage is a sacred union.
Cultural View
Traditionally/culturally marriage was designed for stability, continuity, and social harmony, with family and community playing central roles. It served as a foundation for survival and heritage, but unlike biblical marriage, it was often more pragmatic than spiritual.
But here’s the dilemma—while some see it as the ultimate partnership, others see it as a trap.
They fear that once the vows are spoken, the walls start closing in. They’ve seen love turn into obligation, passion fade into a routine, and once-vibrant individuals lose themselves in the demands of their partner, their children, and their new identity as “spouse.” To them, marriage is not a partnership—it’s a contract with too many clauses, too many expectations, and too many ways to lose.
Then, there’s the silent fear that lurks in many hearts—the fear of choosing wrong. What if the person you marry changes? What if love fades? What if you wake up one day feeling trapped in a life you never wanted? These questions gnaw at those on the fence, making them hesitant to step into something so permanent.
But here is the thing, Marriage itself is not the prison—how you approach it determines whether it feels like confinement or freedom. Though let’s understand better.
Christian view on marriage
Marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. Keeping that purpose in mind helps guide the decision-making process. This means that marriage should not be entered lightly or just for personal gain, social pressure, or fleeting emotions. Instead, the decision to marry should be based on a desire to honor God, love sacrificially, and build a lasting partnership reflecting God’s covenant, a covenant of selfless love, faithfulness, and grace. It’s about reflecting Christ’s love to the world.
Marriage is sacred as long as it serves its God-given purpose—to reflect Christ’s love and provide companionship. It was ordained by God in Genesis 2:18-24, where God Himself establishes it as part of His divine design. The Bible emphasizes that marriage is a covenant, not just a casual relationship (Malachi 2:14, Genesis 2:24)., a divine institution, and a lifetime commitment.
God intentionally designed it – thus carries sacred value. However, it is not the final reality—our union with Christ is.
God’s plan for marriage is to create a committed and loving relationship between a man and a woman, where they support, strengthen, and grow together in faith. It is designed for companionship (Genesis 2:18), building families, raising godly children (Malachi 2:15), and providing a stable foundation for life’s challenges (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Beyond that, marriage is a reflection of God’s love—just as He remained faithful to Israel (Isaiah 54:5) and Christ gave Himself for the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). It is more than a human arrangement; it is a divine covenant meant to mirror God’s love, unity, and faithfulness.
Reality of Marriage
If you fear the routine, the monotony, the loss of passion—remember, marriage is not a fixed state; it is a living thing. It grows or withers based on the effort you put in. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a practice. The couples who thrive are those who continually nurture their bond, and who choose each other daily, even when the excitement of the honeymoon phase fades.
If you hesitate because of the stories of heartbreak, betrayal, and unfulfilled dreams—know this: every relationship, married or not, carries risk. Avoiding marriage does not guarantee a life free from disappointment or heartache. But going in with wisdom, having a common marriage goal and intention with an understanding of yourself and your partner, gives you the best chance of building something beautiful and long-term.
And if you fear making the wrong choice—take your time. Do not marry because of pressure whether religion, society, tradition, or fear of loneliness. Marry when you are ready when you have healed from past wounds when you understand the weight of commitment and its meaning, and when you have found someone whose vision, values, faith and heart align with yours.
Marriage is not the enemy. A wrong marriage partner, an unprepared heart, and an unwise choice—those are the true traps. But when done right, with the right person, marriage is not a cage. It is a partnership where two whole individuals stand side by side, not in chains, but in strength till death do them part.
The Age of Marriage: when is the right time?
Society loves timelines. “Marry before 30.” “Start a family early.” “Don’t wait too long.”
But is there a perfect age?
Some cultures encourage early marriage, believing it strengthens family ties. Others insist on waiting, arguing that personal growth should come first. But the truth is, there’s no universal right time—only the right mindset. Maturity, both emotional and financial, matters more than age.
The worst mistake? Rushing into marriage because of pressure rather than personal readiness.
why some fear marriage
Not everyone dreams of saying “I do.”
Some grew up in homes where love was a battlefield—parents who stayed together but lived like strangers, or worse, like enemies. Others were raised by single parents who wore exhaustion like armour, battling loneliness, commitments and financial strain.
Then there’s the influence of modern media. Picture-perfect couples flood social platforms, smiling in coordinated outfits, and celebrating love. But days, weeks, or months later, the fairy tale unravels—a messy divorce, a scandal, or confessions of hidden misery.
Fear of marriage isn’t always irrational. It’s often a defence mechanism. But is fear a reason to run? Or should it be a reason to learn—to study what makes marriages thrive and what causes them to fail?
Why some worship marriage
On the other end of the spectrum are those who see marriage as the ultimate achievement, a big trophy, the final piece of life’s puzzle that you can not let go no matter what. Flipping their ring like a tiny, shiny badge of honor.
For them, it’s not just a relationship; it’s proof of success, a sign they’ve “made it.” Society reinforces this belief—families pressuring young adults, churches treating singleness like a problem that must be fixed, and whispers questioning a person’s worth if they’re still unmarried at a certain age.
The danger? Marrying for status rather than connection. Choosing a partner out of urgency and physical/material rather than compatibility. Ignoring red flags because “time is running out.”
Marriage is beautiful, but it should never be a trophy. It is not about proving anything to anyone. The best marriages are built on purpose, not pressure or show-off.
WHY SOME DISMISS MARRIAGE ALTOGETHER
Then, there’s a growing number of people who reject the institution entirely.
They see commitment as a cage, fearing they will lose themselves in the process. The modern world glorifies independence—careers, travel, self-discovery. “Why tie yourself to one person for a lifetime?” they ask.
With divorce rates rising, stories of toxic marriages surfacing, and personal freedom becoming a priority, many feel marriage isn’t worth the risk.
But here’s a thought—does marriage truly take away freedom, or does it redefine it? The best unions aren’t about restriction but about a deeper, more intentional kind of love—a love that chooses, every single day, to stay.
“Look, I get it.” The idea of marriage can feel like a heavyweight, a cage you’re not ready to step into. You value, your independence, and your freedom to explore, and that’s completely valid. But here’s the thing: marriage doesn’t have to mean losing yourself. It can be a partnership, a choice you make to build a life with someone who supports your dreams, who challenges you to grow, and who loves you for who you are.
It’s not about giving up your identity, but about sharing it.
It’s about finding someone whose journey complements yours, not someone who dictates it. Think of it less as a ‘mandatory life sentence’ and more as a potential source of deep fulfilment, a chance to create something beautiful together. The key is to define marriage on your terms, to communicate openly, and to prioritize both your individual needs and the needs of the relationship. It’s okay to be cautious, but don’t let fear and ignorance close you off to the possibility of a truly rewarding partnership.
Final Thoughts: Choose Wisely, Love Intentionally
Marriage is neither a prison nor a guarantee of happiness. It is a journey, and like any great journey, preparation matters. It should reflect Christ’s love. Which is pure and intentional.
If you desire it, learn what makes it work. If you fear it, ask yourself why—don’t let pain define your future. And if you dismiss it, be sure it’s a conscious choice, not a reaction to fear or misinformation.
Whether married or single, build relationships that are healthy, fulfilling, and grounded in love, respect, and purpose. Because, in the end, love—whether found in marriage, friendships, or self-discovery—is what truly makes life meaningful. Love conquers all.
Next time we will discuss How to choose a marriage partner and practical steps.
Prayer
Father, I surrender my desires to You. Guide me in making choices that honor You, including in love and relationships. Help me recognize what is good and true, and protect me from
distractions that pull me away from Your will. Whether single or married, let my life reflect Your love. In Jesus’ name, I pray, Amen
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Hey, I’m Angeline, your RN and founder of Finally Am Found. With a heart for mentorship, I’ve been guiding teens and young adults since 2017. As a Registered Nurse, I blend medical expertise with personal experiences to create a Christ-aligned space for self-discovery. Connect with Angeline on Facebook and let the journey to self-discovery begin!
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