This guide is a continuation of the previous article and offers key considerations for selecting a life partner—not as a rigid rulebook but as a helpful compass for young individuals navigating this significant decision. Marriage shapes one’s future in profound ways, making it essential to approach the choice with wisdom and foresight. The insights shared here are designed to offer guidance, spark reflection, and empower you to step into this journey with confidence and purpose to make better choices.
Choosing a life partner is an incredibly delicate, challenging, and critical decision that you must approach with seriousness. Do not take this lightly. If you base your choice solely on fleeting feelings, infatuation, or temporary attraction that is here today and tomorrow is gone, you will end up marrying the wrong person— and you will pay the price. Marriage is not a game, a social status, or a fairy tale. It is real life, with real consequences. Choose wisely; making the wrong decision will lead to suffering.
Related posts
You cannot just choose a partner based on emotions alone. You need wisdom, knowledge, and understanding. Proverbs 24:3 says, “By wisdom, a house is built, and through understanding, it is established.” A house symbolizes a household, a family, or a dynasty, not just a physical structure.
You will live with the consequences of your choice for a long or lifetime. This is the one choice you must get right because it will affect every single area of your life—your faith/spirituality, purpose, health, finances, children, and even your authentic space. Choose wisely.
Biblical Perspective
Marriage in biblical times wasn’t just about love—it was survival, strategy, and sometimes straight-up scandal. Hosea got a divine order to marry a prostitute, while Moses played the gentleman at a well and left with a wife. Boaz closed a real estate deal and found a bride in the fine print. Jacob endured 14 years of hard labor, only to wake up married to the wrong sister. The Benjaminites? They skipped dating and went straight to wife-napping. Saul dangled his daughter as a prize for killing Goliath, and David, always ambitious, later arranged a “job opening” in his army to marry Uriah’s widow. King Xerxes went full reality TV mode with a beauty contest and Solomon? Well, he collected wives like souvenirs. Meanwhile, Paul looked at all this madness and said, “I’ll pass.” If there was ever a holy formula for marriage, it must have gotten lost in translation.
Some marriages turned out well, while others ended in disaster. The Bible is honest about human mistakes, sins, and cultural traditions, but that does not mean God endorsed everything people did. Just because something is recorded in Scripture doesn’t mean it is a divine command; these accounts may carry lessons that can be understood through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. However, there are many guidelines in the Bible regarding God’s principles for choosing a spouse, such as wisdom, shared values, godly character, and alignment in faith and purpose. While the Bible is God’s perfect truth, it also records human failures for our learning.
Many marriage customs in biblical times were influenced by the traditions of the era, including arranged marriages, dowries, polygamy, and even forced unions. God worked within those traditions, sometimes allowing them for a time, but He also guided people toward higher principles.
first, work on yourself before you choose someone
Before you even start looking for a marriage partner, you need to work on yourself. If you are an empty vessel—without wisdom, without direction, without personal growth—you will not even have the ability to discern a good partner from a bad one.
Many people rush into marriage while they are broken, lost, insecure, or immature, thinking that marriage will fix their problems or things will just fall in place. It will not, at least for a bigger percentage of people.
If you have:
✅ Unresolved trauma
✅ Unhealed wounds from past relationships
✅ A weak sense of self-worth
✅ No clarity on your values, life goals, or faith
Then you are NOT ready for marriage.
Marriage does not complete you; it amplifies who you truly are. If you struggle with insecurity, marriage will not provide the security you seek. If you lack responsibility, a marriage won’t suddenly make you responsible. It’s crucial to focus on yourself first. Prioritize your character, emotional health, maturity, and spiritual growth. If you do not know who you are, what you stand for, which direction to take and what values you cannot compromise on, you will accept anything and anyone—and that is a recipe for disaster.
Marriage is More than love
Romantic Love is not enough to sustain a marriage. Feelings come and go. Physical attraction fades. Marriage is built on commitment, wisdom, shared values, and character.
If you think “I’m in love” is a good enough reason to marry someone, you are setting yourself up for pain. You can be in love with someone who is a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, a financial disaster, an abuser, a lazy person, or a directionless individual. What happens when the love fades?
You can love or have feelings for someone forever, but the ability to live together without the other factors will be futile.
A marriage partner affects your destiny. You are not just choosing a lover—you are choosing:
- A parenting teammate – The person who will contribute to shaping your children’s future.
- A spiritual partner – The person who will influence your faith, whether positively or negatively.
- A financial partner – The person who will either help you build wealth or drive you into poverty.
- A lifelong support system – Or a lifelong source of stress and regret.
Do not choose a life partner based on superficial emotions when their impact on your life will be permanent.
You do not have to enter marriage 100% perfect—that is unrealistic because no one is perfect. However, you must be actively growing, learning, and improving your mindset before and during marriage.
Why?
Marriage is a union of two imperfect people who are supposed to build, sharpen, and refine each other. But if you enter without self-awareness, maturity, or the willingness to grow, you will not only hurt yourself but also damage your partner and the relationship
No, you don’t need to be perfect to get married, but you must be in the process of growth. If you refuse to grow, even the best partner will not “fix” you. Marriage doesn’t transform you—it exposes who you already are.
The Most Important Things you Must Look For in a partner
1. The Ability To Handle Emotions Maturely
If a person does not have emotional intelligence, they will ruin your life. Here’s what emotional intelligence looks like:
✅ They understand their emotions and do not let them control their actions.
✅ They communicate maturely instead of exploding in anger, going silent, or becoming manipulative.
✅ They take responsibility for their actions instead of blaming others.
✅ They know how to handle stress, disappointment, and conflict without creating unnecessary drama.
✅ They can understand and share your feelings
✅ They don’t believe they’re always right, nor do they shut down when confronted with a different perspective. Instead, they listen, reflect, and adjust when necessary.
✅ A mature partner understands the importance of discipline and delayed gratification including premarital sex.
If someone lacks emotional know-how, your marriage will be full of jealousy, insecurity, arguments, shouting matches, silent treatments, and emotional chaos.
Observe these red flags before marriage:
🚩 If they are constantly jealous and insecure, you will suffocate in that relationship.
🚩 If they lash out, break things, shout, or hit you when they are angry. RUN.
🚩 If they never take responsibility and always blame others for their mistakes, they are not ready for marriage.
If conflicts cannot be resolved maturely during dating, marriage may fail unless they are willing to learn. A person who cannot handle their emotions will make your life miserable.
2. Character Over Chemistry
Who they are matters more than how you feel about them. Chemistry may be temporary, but character is permanent.
✅ Are they honest?
✅ Are they hardworking?
✅ Do they respect people?
✅ Are they kind and compassionate?
✅ Do they have self-control?
✅ Do they have integrity?
✅ Does the man lead with wisdom, love, and vision?
✅ Does the woman have a cooperative spirit or is she rebellious?
✅ Are they teachable? A wise leader must also be willing to listen.
✅Do they make excuses for bad habits instead of trying to improve?
Your feelings will not raise your children. Their character will.
Your feelings will not manage your household. Their character will.
Your feelings will not help in times of crisis. Their character will.
🚩 If someone is lazy, selfish, disrespectful, rude, or dishonest now, marriage will not change them. Do not marry them thinking you will “fix” them. They will drag you down instead.
3. Shared Vision and Purpose – Are You Going in the Same Direction?
3. Shared Vision and Purpose – Are You Going in the Same Direction?
If you and your partner do not share the same values and life goals in your purposes, you will be frustrated for the rest of your life.
🚩 Do they honor God’s design for intimacy within marriage
🚩 Do they share your faith?
🚩 Do they have good financial habits?
🚩 Do they support your dreams and ambitions?
🚩 Do they want the same kind of family life you want?
🚩Are individuals frequently engaged in conflicts with their families, overly reliant on their family’s approval, and attributing their problems to their family’s influence?
🚩Do they have ambition? Or they are comfortable doing nothing with their life.
Marriage is not about “compromising everything.” Some compromises are dangerous because they force you to abandon your purpose, identity, and values.
Healthy Compromise: Adjusting for the relationship without losing yourself (e.g. Learning how to communicate better, making time for each other, balancing work and family).
Dangerous Compromise: Giving up who you are just to keep the relationship (e.g. Abandoning your dreams, tolerating disrespect, or sacrificing your values).
4. Independence and Self-Awareness:
○ They are secure in themselves and don’t rely on you for their happiness.
○ They have their interests, hobbies, and friends.
○ They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and are willing to work on themselves.
🚩 Being overly dependent, controlling, or lacking a sense of self.
🚩They control who you talk to, where you go, or what you do.
🚩They lack direction—they are waiting for someone to “fix” their life.
Things to avoid at all costs
“I’m in love” is NOT a reason to marry. Love is important, but it is not enough.
Do not ignore red flags. If something feels off, trust your instincts.
Do not marry someone who desires the title without taking on the responsibilities that come with it. Choose a partner who wants to be a father or mother, not just someone who wants the title. Select someone who isn’t merely looking for a wife or husband, but truly wants to be a husband or wife.
- A woman shouldn’t just want to be called a wife—she should want to be a partner, nurturer, and supporter.
- A man shouldn’t just want to be called a husband—he should want to be a leader, protector, and provider.
If you are unsure, WAIT. Even if you are at the altar and realize this is a mistake, walk away. A moment of embarrassment is better than a lifetime of regret.
Prayer alone will not fix bad choices. Many people ignore warning signs and think, “I’ll pray about it.” Prayer is important, but God gave you wisdom. Use it.
Final Truth
Marriage is a lifelong decision. The person you marry will affect your:
- Faith
- Purpose
- Health
- Peace of mind
- Children and maybe generations to come
- Finances
- Future
Choose wisely, or regret deeply. The consequences are real.
To attract the right partner, BECOME the right partner. Work on your emotional intelligence, spiritual maturity, and personal growth. The best way to find a great partner is to become one first.
Whoever you marry can carry you forward or reverse.
Marriage is NOT a joke. If you do it right, it will be a channel to manifest your blessings in your life. If you do it wrong, it will destroy you.
What are your thoughts?
For more insights like this, check out our free eBooks and explore more on Amazon.
Prayer
Lord, You know my heart, my purpose, and my future. Guide me to a partner who aligns with Your will—someone of character, wisdom, and faith. Help me see beyond emotions and make a choice rooted in wisdom. Protect me from deception, impatience, and compromises that would lead me away from You. Let this decision bring peace, purpose, and a love that honors You. In Jesus Christ’s name, Amen.
Hey, I’m Angeline, your RN and founder of Finally Am Found. With a heart for mentorship, I’ve been guiding teens and young adults since 2017. As a Registered Nurse, I blend medical expertise with personal experiences to create a Christ-aligned space for self-discovery. Connect with Angeline on Facebook and let the journey to self-discovery begin!
1
